Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
It was keeping me in suspense the whole time. I didn’t know what to expect.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
To show that we should not do something that we have not thought out.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Teenagers who decide to be rebellious.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenagers
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. The details in the essay
b. there were very good descriptions.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Just her memory.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
She went through it.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
Just memory
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I really liked the story because I could relate to it, it reminded me of something that happened in my life.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
*YES NO What do you see as that purpose? It has a moral and a lesson learned
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who bases their actions to please others.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
It can be directed to anyone.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. the details included
b. the step by step decision making which led up to the conclusion
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? *YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 *YES NO Par. 5 *YES NO
Par. 2 *YES NO Par. 6 *YES NO
Par. 3 *YES NO Par. 7 *YES NO
Par. 4 *YES NO Par. 8 *YES NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes she has.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? *YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
*YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? *YES NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? *YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
None were really interviewed.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
There were no interviews
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
Just recollections of ones past experience
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes they are, they couldn’t be clearer
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? *YES NO
b. Present the thesis? *YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? *YES NO
d. Comments:
I love the fact that it doesn’t go in directly to the point, it leads the reader into reading the story.
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? *YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? *YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? *YES NO
d. Comments:
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Very well written with good descriptive words.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
NO
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who has not heeded their parent’s warnings
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Older audience, at least sixteen and above
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. How she realized she grew up too fast
b. How she mentioned how she did not listen to her mother and father
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Listen to your parents advice
Is the thesis specific enough? YES
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
The author gives the background on why she was going on the trip and what kind of friend Marie was.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? SOMEWHAT
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
You’re a good writer, and the story is interesting. Just be careful of repetition and the wording of some phrases.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
NO What do you see as that purpose?
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone, really.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenagers.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a.
b.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
Incorporate the topic into your thesis statement.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 NO Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 NO Par. 6 NO
Par. 3 NO Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, the details are there. However, sometimes they can be too repetitive.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
None, there is enough information.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
None.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
Personal experience.
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes.
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? NO
d. Comments:
I’m not too sure how the introduction relates to the rest of the story.
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I enjoyed it because you really did not think the story would go the way it did, it built suspense and it was good reading it.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
Enjoy life while you have it.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who does not appreciate life, so later they can
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenagers because they are the ones that want to grow up fast.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. description on the car accident
b. the suspense she built up to the car crash
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: yes we know exactly what is going on
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
No one it was from memory
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Essay writer’s name Lourdes Peer’s name Louis Moshe Leon
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I can relate
Good Lesson
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
*YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
Teaching a lesson about actions and their consequences.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who has been in car accidents.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
People who fail to see consequences to their actions.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. Mother and father instilling in her a code of good conduct
b. A car accident as a result of being out to late.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
You do not know the consequences of your actions until they happen.
Is the thesis specific enough? *YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 *YES NO Par. 5 *YES NO
Par. 2 *YES NO Par. 6 *YES NO
Par. 3 *YES NO Par. 7 *YES NO
Par. 4 *YES NO Par. 8 *YES NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes she has.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? *YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
None.
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
*YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? *YES NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? *YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
None.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
No one.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
No one.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
Only her memory.
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes they are.
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? *YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES *NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? *YES NO
d. Comments: Good foreshadowing.
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? *YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? *YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? *YES NO
d. Comments: Good
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I thought that this essay was well-written and there was an immense amount f passion that ,as a reader, sparked my interest.
2.Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
To tell a story about an a traguc accident.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone affected by an accident
4.To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
The audience would be to people that have been touched by a miracle in their lives.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. The dialogue about the accident and aftermath there of being a miracle.
b.The details about the author’s religious affliation
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
It’s just incredible what had just happened but it’s even more unbelievable that I’m alive today to write about it.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES NO Par. 5 YES NO
Par. 2 YES NO Par. 6 YES NO
Par. 3 YES NO Par. 7 YES NO
Par. 4 YES NO Par. 8 YES NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
The author did cover this material.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
A recollection… no interviews
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES NO
d. Comments:
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
There are many grammar mistakes.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
To explain how close life can come to ending
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
teenagers
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenagers.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. words
b. topic
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES
Par. 5 YES par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
There are however some grammatical errors that should be fixed.
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
It is a personal story
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
She knows the story first hand
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
1. I tried to include some details in my essay but I feel like I’m saying too much at a certain point. If you’ve noticed that too, please point out in what paragraph.
No they are ok
2. Do I make it clear for you to understand the purpose of m e writing this essay? If not, how can I improve it?
Yes it is a very clear purpose
3. What else could the ending or the introduction have more (or less) of?
I like them both especially the introduction.
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Very detailed, good descriptions make it easy to picture the scenes. Good addititional explanations but there was one time in the text I found them superfluous. Loved the similes. Very nice story
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
That you not rush onto things
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Teenagers
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenagers. Yes I do think so because it is the time of life when we do not take things slowly we prefere to rush onto things, act on our first impulse instead of taking being patient and taking one thing at a time
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. She thought her parents where “uncool”
b. She admired her best friend Marie because she brought excitement in her life
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment
Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
Yes it is.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes she has. Everything related to those were clear
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why? None of them needs more information.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
No one. The conversations were just implied in the text
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
That Marie was trouble.
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes they are
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES NO
d. Comments:
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
This is by far the worst paper I have ever read in my life. I’m kidding! Its a very good story that is easy to relate to. Everyone knows a Maria.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
No.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who has ever done something they weren’t supposed to (so anybody).
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
I’d say this is most appropriate for ages 14 and up.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
\
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, the writer does a very good job. I fully understand everything that happened.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? Yes
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
I didn’t find anything uninteresting.
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
Yes
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES
Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
None
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments: I really like this story.
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Written very well, great detail, crazy experience.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
*YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
Gives insight on peer pressure.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone looking for a good essay to read.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
College kids, and yes it is appropriate.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. It’s just incredible what had just happened but it’s even more unbelievable that I’m alive today to write about it
b. Today, I try to stick to just what I believe is right and the norms that my parents taught me in order to make it through this ungrateful society in which we live today.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
There are just some things that you have to go through in life to realize that being patient and waiting for the right time is always worth it.
Is the thesis specific enough? *YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 *YES NO Par. 5 *YES NO
Par. 2 *YES NO Par. 6 *YES NO
Par. 3 *YES NO Par. 7 *YES NO
Par. 4 *YES NO Par. 8 *YES NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Very sufficient.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? *YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
*YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? *YES NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? *YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
No one was interviewed.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? *YES NO
b. Present the thesis? *YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? *YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? *YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? *YES NO
d. Comments:
Essay writer’s name Lourdes Peer’s name Altea Shehu
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
The story is easy to relate to.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
Teaches us a lesson.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Young people.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Young people who make mistakes.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. the details
b.the way the essay was written.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Memory
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
It’s her Memory
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
nothing
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes.
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Well it is another good life lesson story
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
YEs
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Everyone who ever done this.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenager age around 16-20
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a.
b.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Somewhat
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
Yes
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
Yes
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
Yes
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
Yes
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
None
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Herself
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
She talking about herself
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Well it is another good life lesson story
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
YEs
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Everyone who ever done this.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenager age around 16-20
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a.
b.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Somewhat
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
Yes
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
Yes
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
Yes
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
Yes
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
None
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Herself
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
She talking about herself
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Oh boy, one of these “I did something I shouldn’t have” stories.
Love them.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
No.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Just about everyone who has done something they weren’t supposed to do.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
I’m going to assume 10+, as this story is easy to understand.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, as I said earlier, simple enough to understand.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? Yes
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
I didn’t find anything uninteresting.
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
Yes
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES
Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
None
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments: Fun story.
121as said,
April 9, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name: Lourdes Alexis Peer’s name: Altea Shehu
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
It was keeping me in suspense the whole time. I didn’t know what to expect.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
To show that we should not do something that we have not thought out.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Teenagers who decide to be rebellious.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenagers
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. The details in the essay
b. there were very good descriptions.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Just her memory.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
She went through it.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
Just memory
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
121rk said,
April 9, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name_____Lourdes________ Peer’s name______Richard________
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I really liked the story because I could relate to it, it reminded me of something that happened in my life.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
*YES NO What do you see as that purpose? It has a moral and a lesson learned
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who bases their actions to please others.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
It can be directed to anyone.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. the details included
b. the step by step decision making which led up to the conclusion
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? *YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 *YES NO Par. 5 *YES NO
Par. 2 *YES NO Par. 6 *YES NO
Par. 3 *YES NO Par. 7 *YES NO
Par. 4 *YES NO Par. 8 *YES NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes she has.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? *YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
*YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? *YES NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? *YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
None were really interviewed.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
There were no interviews
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
Just recollections of ones past experience
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes they are, they couldn’t be clearer
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? *YES NO
b. Present the thesis? *YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? *YES NO
d. Comments:
I love the fact that it doesn’t go in directly to the point, it leads the reader into reading the story.
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? *YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? *YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? *YES NO
d. Comments:
121paeb said,
April 9, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name: Alexis Peer’s name: Patrice Bendig
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Very well written with good descriptive words.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
NO
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who has not heeded their parent’s warnings
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Older audience, at least sixteen and above
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. How she realized she grew up too fast
b. How she mentioned how she did not listen to her mother and father
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Listen to your parents advice
Is the thesis specific enough? YES
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
The author gives the background on why she was going on the trip and what kind of friend Marie was.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? SOMEWHAT
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
121tmc said,
April 9, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name: Lourdes Aalexis | Peer’s name: Tiffany Cioffi
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
You’re a good writer, and the story is interesting. Just be careful of repetition and the wording of some phrases.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
NO What do you see as that purpose?
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone, really.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenagers.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a.
b.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
Incorporate the topic into your thesis statement.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 NO Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 NO Par. 6 NO
Par. 3 NO Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, the details are there. However, sometimes they can be too repetitive.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
None, there is enough information.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
None.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
Personal experience.
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes.
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? NO
d. Comments:
I’m not too sure how the introduction relates to the rest of the story.
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
121rz said,
April 9, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name__ Lourdes Aalexis __ Peer’s name_ Rexhina Ziti__
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I enjoyed it because you really did not think the story would go the way it did, it built suspense and it was good reading it.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
Enjoy life while you have it.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who does not appreciate life, so later they can
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenagers because they are the ones that want to grow up fast.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. description on the car accident
b. the suspense she built up to the car crash
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: yes we know exactly what is going on
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
No one it was from memory
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
121lml said,
April 9, 2008 at 10:19 pm
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name Lourdes Peer’s name Louis Moshe Leon
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I can relate
Good Lesson
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
*YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
Teaching a lesson about actions and their consequences.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who has been in car accidents.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
People who fail to see consequences to their actions.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. Mother and father instilling in her a code of good conduct
b. A car accident as a result of being out to late.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
You do not know the consequences of your actions until they happen.
Is the thesis specific enough? *YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 *YES NO Par. 5 *YES NO
Par. 2 *YES NO Par. 6 *YES NO
Par. 3 *YES NO Par. 7 *YES NO
Par. 4 *YES NO Par. 8 *YES NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes she has.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? *YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
None.
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
*YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? *YES NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? *YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
None.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
No one.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
No one.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
Only her memory.
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes they are.
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? *YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES *NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? *YES NO
d. Comments: Good foreshadowing.
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? *YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? *YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? *YES NO
d. Comments: Good
Liz Perez said,
April 14, 2008 at 8:44 am
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name_____Alexis___________________ Peer’s name_____Liz Perez_____________________
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I thought that this essay was well-written and there was an immense amount f passion that ,as a reader, sparked my interest.
2.Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
To tell a story about an a traguc accident.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone affected by an accident
4.To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
The audience would be to people that have been touched by a miracle in their lives.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. The dialogue about the accident and aftermath there of being a miracle.
b.The details about the author’s religious affliation
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
It’s just incredible what had just happened but it’s even more unbelievable that I’m alive today to write about it.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES NO Par. 5 YES NO
Par. 2 YES NO Par. 6 YES NO
Par. 3 YES NO Par. 7 YES NO
Par. 4 YES NO Par. 8 YES NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
The author did cover this material.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
A recollection… no interviews
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES NO
d. Comments:
Kristina Afrides said,
April 14, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name____Lourdes___ Peer’s name____Kristina Afrides____
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
There are many grammar mistakes.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
To explain how close life can come to ending
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
teenagers
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenagers.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. words
b. topic
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES
Par. 5 YES par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
There are however some grammatical errors that should be fixed.
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
It is a personal story
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
She knows the story first hand
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Kristina Afrides said,
April 14, 2008 at 7:41 pm
1. I tried to include some details in my essay but I feel like I’m saying too much at a certain point. If you’ve noticed that too, please point out in what paragraph.
No they are ok
2. Do I make it clear for you to understand the purpose of m e writing this essay? If not, how can I improve it?
Yes it is a very clear purpose
3. What else could the ending or the introduction have more (or less) of?
I like them both especially the introduction.
121pjx said,
April 16, 2008 at 12:54 am
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name__Lourdes Alexis______________ Peer’s name____Phanessa Jean_________
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Very detailed, good descriptions make it easy to picture the scenes. Good addititional explanations but there was one time in the text I found them superfluous. Loved the similes. Very nice story
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
That you not rush onto things
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Teenagers
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenagers. Yes I do think so because it is the time of life when we do not take things slowly we prefere to rush onto things, act on our first impulse instead of taking being patient and taking one thing at a time
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. She thought her parents where “uncool”
b. She admired her best friend Marie because she brought excitement in her life
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment
Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
Yes it is.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes she has. Everything related to those were clear
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why? None of them needs more information.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
No one. The conversations were just implied in the text
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
That Marie was trouble.
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes they are
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES NO
d. Comments:
121amc said,
April 17, 2008 at 12:03 am
Essay writer’s name: Lourdes Peer’s name: Adrienne Chemel
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
This is by far the worst paper I have ever read in my life. I’m kidding! Its a very good story that is easy to relate to. Everyone knows a Maria.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
No.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who has ever done something they weren’t supposed to (so anybody).
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
I’d say this is most appropriate for ages 14 and up.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
\
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, the writer does a very good job. I fully understand everything that happened.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? Yes
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
I didn’t find anything uninteresting.
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
Yes
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES
Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
None
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments: I really like this story.
121jae said,
April 17, 2008 at 12:16 am
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name________Lourdes_______________ Peer’s name__Joseph______________
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Written very well, great detail, crazy experience.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
*YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
Gives insight on peer pressure.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone looking for a good essay to read.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
College kids, and yes it is appropriate.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. It’s just incredible what had just happened but it’s even more unbelievable that I’m alive today to write about it
b. Today, I try to stick to just what I believe is right and the norms that my parents taught me in order to make it through this ungrateful society in which we live today.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
There are just some things that you have to go through in life to realize that being patient and waiting for the right time is always worth it.
Is the thesis specific enough? *YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 *YES NO Par. 5 *YES NO
Par. 2 *YES NO Par. 6 *YES NO
Par. 3 *YES NO Par. 7 *YES NO
Par. 4 *YES NO Par. 8 *YES NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Very sufficient.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? *YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
*YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? *YES NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? *YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
No one was interviewed.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? *YES NO
b. Present the thesis? *YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? *YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? *YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? *YES NO
d. Comments:
121as said,
April 17, 2008 at 6:42 am
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name Lourdes Peer’s name Altea Shehu
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
The story is easy to relate to.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
Teaches us a lesson.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Young people.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Young people who make mistakes.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. the details
b.the way the essay was written.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Memory
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
It’s her Memory
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
nothing
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes.
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
121ss said,
April 17, 2008 at 7:21 am
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name________________________ Peer’s name__________________________
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Well it is another good life lesson story
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
YEs
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Everyone who ever done this.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenager age around 16-20
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a.
b.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Somewhat
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
Yes
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
Yes
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
Yes
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
Yes
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
None
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Herself
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
She talking about herself
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
121ss said,
April 17, 2008 at 7:22 am
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name___ Lourdes_______ Peer’s name_____Suchart_______
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Well it is another good life lesson story
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
YEs
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Everyone who ever done this.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenager age around 16-20
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a.
b.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Somewhat
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
Yes
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
Yes
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
Yes
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
Yes
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
None
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Herself
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
She talking about herself
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Philip On said,
April 17, 2008 at 8:07 am
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Oh boy, one of these “I did something I shouldn’t have” stories.
Love them.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
No.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Just about everyone who has done something they weren’t supposed to do.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
I’m going to assume 10+, as this story is easy to understand.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, as I said earlier, simple enough to understand.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? Yes
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
I didn’t find anything uninteresting.
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
Yes
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES
Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
None
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments: Fun story.