Comments on: Floating Workshop http://121lca.wordpress.com/2008/04/07/floating-workshop/ Mon, 12 May 2008 16:04:58 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Philip On http://121lca.wordpress.com/2008/04/07/floating-workshop/#comment-27 Philip On Thu, 17 Apr 2008 13:07:04 +0000 http://121lca.wordpress.com/?p=22#comment-27 *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here. Oh boy, one of these "I did something I shouldn't have" stories. Love them. 2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment? No. *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay? Just about everyone who has done something they weren't supposed to do. 4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? I'm going to assume 10+, as this story is easy to understand. 5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth. *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here. One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment. Is the thesis specific enough? YES. *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay. Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes, as I said earlier, simple enough to understand. *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below. a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? Yes Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject: I didn’t find anything uninteresting. b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant? Yes c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment: d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES 10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)? None 12. Does the introduction a. Get readers’ attention? YES b. Present the thesis? YES c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES d. Comments: 13. Does the conclusion a. Remind you of what has been said? YES b Provide something new to think about? YES c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES d. Comments: Fun story. *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Oh boy, one of these “I did something I shouldn’t have” stories.
Love them.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
No.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Just about everyone who has done something they weren’t supposed to do.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
I’m going to assume 10+, as this story is easy to understand.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, as I said earlier, simple enough to understand.

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? Yes
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
I didn’t find anything uninteresting.

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
Yes

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES
Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
None

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments: Fun story.

]]> By: 121ss http://121lca.wordpress.com/2008/04/07/floating-workshop/#comment-26 121ss Thu, 17 Apr 2008 12:22:12 +0000 http://121lca.wordpress.com/?p=22#comment-26 Written Peer Response Essay writer’s name___ Lourdes_______ Peer’s name_____Suchart_______ Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions. *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here. Well it is another good life lesson story 2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment? YES NO What do you see as that purpose? YEs *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay? Everyone who ever done this. 4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? Teenager age around 16-20 5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth. a. b. *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here. One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment. Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus. *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay. Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Somewhat *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below. a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject: Yes b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant? YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here: Yes c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment: Yes d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO List terms that need to be defined here: Yes 10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)? Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why? None *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile. a. What person or persons were interviewed? Herself b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information. She talking about herself c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.) d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly? Yes 12. Does the introduction a. Get readers’ attention? YES b. Present the thesis? YES c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES d. Comments: 13. Does the conclusion a. Remind you of what has been said? YES b Provide something new to think about? YES c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES d. Comments: Written Peer Response

Essay writer’s name___ Lourdes_______ Peer’s name_____Suchart_______

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Well it is another good life lesson story

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
YEs

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Everyone who ever done this.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenager age around 16-20

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a.

b.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.

One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Somewhat

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
Yes

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
Yes

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
Yes

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
Yes

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
None

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Herself

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
She talking about herself

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

]]> By: 121ss http://121lca.wordpress.com/2008/04/07/floating-workshop/#comment-25 121ss Thu, 17 Apr 2008 12:21:13 +0000 http://121lca.wordpress.com/?p=22#comment-25 Written Peer Response Essay writer’s name________________________ Peer’s name__________________________ Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions. *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here. Well it is another good life lesson story 2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment? YES NO What do you see as that purpose? YEs *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay? Everyone who ever done this. 4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? Teenager age around 16-20 5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth. a. b. *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here. One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment. Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus. *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay. Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Somewhat *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below. a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject: Yes b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant? YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here: Yes c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment: Yes d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO List terms that need to be defined here: Yes 10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)? Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why? None *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile. a. What person or persons were interviewed? Herself b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information. She talking about herself c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.) d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly? Yes 12. Does the introduction a. Get readers’ attention? YES b. Present the thesis? YES c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES d. Comments: 13. Does the conclusion a. Remind you of what has been said? YES b Provide something new to think about? YES c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES d. Comments: Written Peer Response

Essay writer’s name________________________ Peer’s name__________________________

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Well it is another good life lesson story

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
YEs

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Everyone who ever done this.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenager age around 16-20

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a.

b.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.

One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Somewhat

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
Yes

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
Yes

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
Yes

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
Yes

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
None

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Herself

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
She talking about herself

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

]]> By: 121as http://121lca.wordpress.com/2008/04/07/floating-workshop/#comment-24 121as Thu, 17 Apr 2008 11:42:53 +0000 http://121lca.wordpress.com/?p=22#comment-24 Written Peer Response Essay writer’s name Lourdes Peer’s name Altea Shehu Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions. *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here. The story is easy to relate to. 2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment? YES What do you see as that purpose? Teaches us a lesson. *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay? Young people. 4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? Young people who make mistakes. 5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth. a. the details b.the way the essay was written. *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here. One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment. Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus. *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay. Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below. a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject: b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant? YES If not, explain here: c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment: d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES List terms that need to be defined here: 10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)? Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why? *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile. a. What person or persons were interviewed? Memory b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information. It’s her Memory c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.) nothing d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly? Yes. 12. Does the introduction a. Get readers’ attention? YES b. Present the thesis? YES c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES d. Comments: 13. Does the conclusion a. Remind you of what has been said? YES b Provide something new to think about? YES c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES d. Comments: Written Peer Response

Essay writer’s name Lourdes Peer’s name Altea Shehu

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

The story is easy to relate to.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?

Teaches us a lesson.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

Young people.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

Young people who make mistakes.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. the details

b.the way the essay was written.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.

One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:

Yes

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?

Memory

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

It’s her Memory

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

nothing

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?

Yes.

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

]]> By: 121jae http://121lca.wordpress.com/2008/04/07/floating-workshop/#comment-23 121jae Thu, 17 Apr 2008 05:16:44 +0000 http://121lca.wordpress.com/?p=22#comment-23 Written Peer Response Essay writer’s name________Lourdes_______________ Peer’s name__Joseph______________ Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions. *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here. Written very well, great detail, crazy experience. 2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment? *YES NO What do you see as that purpose? Gives insight on peer pressure. *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay? Anyone looking for a good essay to read. 4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? College kids, and yes it is appropriate. 5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth. a. It’s just incredible what had just happened but it’s even more unbelievable that I’m alive today to write about it b. Today, I try to stick to just what I believe is right and the norms that my parents taught me in order to make it through this ungrateful society in which we live today. *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here. There are just some things that you have to go through in life to realize that being patient and waiting for the right time is always worth it. Is the thesis specific enough? *YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus. *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay. Par. 1 *YES NO Par. 5 *YES NO Par. 2 *YES NO Par. 6 *YES NO Par. 3 *YES NO Par. 7 *YES NO Par. 4 *YES NO Par. 8 *YES NO *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Very sufficient. *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below. a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? *YES NO SOMEWHAT Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject: b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant? *YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here: c. Is the information understandable to you? *YES NO Comment: d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? *YES NO List terms that need to be defined here: 10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)? Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why? *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile. a. What person or persons were interviewed? No one was interviewed. b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information. c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.) d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly? Yes 12. Does the introduction a. Get readers’ attention? *YES NO b. Present the thesis? *YES NO c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO d. Comments: 13. Does the conclusion a. Remind you of what has been said? *YES NO b Provide something new to think about? *YES NO c. Round the essay off smoothly? *YES NO d. Comments: Written Peer Response

Essay writer’s name________Lourdes_______________ Peer’s name__Joseph______________

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Written very well, great detail, crazy experience.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
*YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
Gives insight on peer pressure.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone looking for a good essay to read.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
College kids, and yes it is appropriate.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. It’s just incredible what had just happened but it’s even more unbelievable that I’m alive today to write about it

b. Today, I try to stick to just what I believe is right and the norms that my parents taught me in order to make it through this ungrateful society in which we live today.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
There are just some things that you have to go through in life to realize that being patient and waiting for the right time is always worth it.

Is the thesis specific enough? *YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 *YES NO Par. 5 *YES NO
Par. 2 *YES NO Par. 6 *YES NO
Par. 3 *YES NO Par. 7 *YES NO
Par. 4 *YES NO Par. 8 *YES NO

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:

Very sufficient.

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? *YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
*YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? *YES NO Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? *YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?
No one was interviewed.

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? *YES NO
b. Present the thesis? *YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? *YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? *YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? *YES NO
d. Comments:

]]> By: 121amc http://121lca.wordpress.com/2008/04/07/floating-workshop/#comment-22 121amc Thu, 17 Apr 2008 05:03:02 +0000 http://121lca.wordpress.com/?p=22#comment-22 Essay writer’s name: Lourdes Peer’s name: Adrienne Chemel Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions. *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here. This is by far the worst paper I have ever read in my life. I'm kidding! Its a very good story that is easy to relate to. Everyone knows a Maria. 2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment? No. *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay? Anyone who has ever done something they weren't supposed to (so anybody). 4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? I'd say this is most appropriate for ages 14 and up. 5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth. \ *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here. One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment. Is the thesis specific enough? YES. *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay. Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes, the writer does a very good job. I fully understand everything that happened. *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below. a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? Yes Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject: I didn’t find anything uninteresting. b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant? Yes c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment: d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES 10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)? None 12. Does the introduction a. Get readers’ attention? YES b. Present the thesis? YES c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES d. Comments: 13. Does the conclusion a. Remind you of what has been said? YES b Provide something new to think about? YES c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES d. Comments: I really like this story. Essay writer’s name: Lourdes Peer’s name: Adrienne Chemel

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
This is by far the worst paper I have ever read in my life. I’m kidding! Its a very good story that is easy to relate to. Everyone knows a Maria.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
No.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who has ever done something they weren’t supposed to (so anybody).

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
I’d say this is most appropriate for ages 14 and up.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

\
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes, the writer does a very good job. I fully understand everything that happened.

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? Yes
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
I didn’t find anything uninteresting.

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
Yes

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES
Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
None

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments: I really like this story.

]]> By: 121pjx http://121lca.wordpress.com/2008/04/07/floating-workshop/#comment-21 121pjx Wed, 16 Apr 2008 05:54:09 +0000 http://121lca.wordpress.com/?p=22#comment-21 Written Peer Response Essay writer’s name__Lourdes Alexis______________ Peer’s name____Phanessa Jean_________ Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions. *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here. Very detailed, good descriptions make it easy to picture the scenes. Good addititional explanations but there was one time in the text I found them superfluous. Loved the similes. Very nice story 2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment? YES NO What do you see as that purpose? That you not rush onto things *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay? Teenagers 4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? Teenagers. Yes I do think so because it is the time of life when we do not take things slowly we prefere to rush onto things, act on our first impulse instead of taking being patient and taking one thing at a time 5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth. a. She thought her parents where “uncool” b. She admired her best friend Marie because she brought excitement in her life *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here. One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus. Yes it is. *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay. Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes she has. Everything related to those were clear *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below. a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject: b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant? YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here: c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment: d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO List terms that need to be defined here: 10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)? Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why? None of them needs more information. *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile. a. What person or persons were interviewed? No one. The conversations were just implied in the text b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information. c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.) That Marie was trouble. d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly? Yes they are 12. Does the introduction a. Get readers’ attention? YES NO b. Present the thesis? YES NO c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO d. Comments: 13. Does the conclusion a. Remind you of what has been said? YES NO b Provide something new to think about? YES NO c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES NO d. Comments: Written Peer Response

Essay writer’s name__Lourdes Alexis______________ Peer’s name____Phanessa Jean_________

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Very detailed, good descriptions make it easy to picture the scenes. Good addititional explanations but there was one time in the text I found them superfluous. Loved the similes. Very nice story

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
That you not rush onto things

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Teenagers

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenagers. Yes I do think so because it is the time of life when we do not take things slowly we prefere to rush onto things, act on our first impulse instead of taking being patient and taking one thing at a time

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. She thought her parents where “uncool”

b. She admired her best friend Marie because she brought excitement in her life

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment

Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
Yes it is.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes she has. Everything related to those were clear

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why? None of them needs more information.

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?
No one. The conversations were just implied in the text

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
That Marie was trouble.

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes they are

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES NO
d. Comments:

]]> By: Kristina Afrides http://121lca.wordpress.com/2008/04/07/floating-workshop/#comment-20 Kristina Afrides Tue, 15 Apr 2008 00:41:53 +0000 http://121lca.wordpress.com/?p=22#comment-20 1. I tried to include some details in my essay but I feel like I’m saying too much at a certain point. If you’ve noticed that too, please point out in what paragraph. No they are ok 2. Do I make it clear for you to understand the purpose of m e writing this essay? If not, how can I improve it? Yes it is a very clear purpose 3. What else could the ending or the introduction have more (or less) of? I like them both especially the introduction. 1. I tried to include some details in my essay but I feel like I’m saying too much at a certain point. If you’ve noticed that too, please point out in what paragraph.
No they are ok
2. Do I make it clear for you to understand the purpose of m e writing this essay? If not, how can I improve it?
Yes it is a very clear purpose
3. What else could the ending or the introduction have more (or less) of?
I like them both especially the introduction.

]]> By: Kristina Afrides http://121lca.wordpress.com/2008/04/07/floating-workshop/#comment-19 Kristina Afrides Tue, 15 Apr 2008 00:39:02 +0000 http://121lca.wordpress.com/?p=22#comment-19 Written Peer Response Essay writer’s name____Lourdes___ Peer’s name____Kristina Afrides____ Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions. *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here. There are many grammar mistakes. 2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment? YES What do you see as that purpose? To explain how close life can come to ending *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay? teenagers 4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? Teenagers. 5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth. a. words b. topic *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here. One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus. *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay. Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: yes *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below. a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject: b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant? YES If not, explain here: c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment: d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES List terms that need to be defined here: There are however some grammatical errors that should be fixed. 10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)? Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why? *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile. a. What person or persons were interviewed? It is a personal story b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information. She knows the story first hand c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.) d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly? yes 12. Does the introduction a. Get readers’ attention? YES b. Present the thesis? YES c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES d. Comments: 13. Does the conclusion a. Remind you of what has been said? YES b Provide something new to think about? YES c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES d. Comments: Written Peer Response

Essay writer’s name____Lourdes___ Peer’s name____Kristina Afrides____

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
There are many grammar mistakes.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
To explain how close life can come to ending

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
teenagers

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenagers.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. words

b. topic

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
One never really anticipates the consequences of their actions until they’re caught up in the moment

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES
Par. 5 YES par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
yes

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
There are however some grammatical errors that should be fixed.

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?
It is a personal story

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
She knows the story first hand

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
yes

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

]]> By: Liz Perez http://121lca.wordpress.com/2008/04/07/floating-workshop/#comment-18 Liz Perez Mon, 14 Apr 2008 13:44:43 +0000 http://121lca.wordpress.com/?p=22#comment-18 Written Peer Response Essay writer’s name_____Alexis___________________ Peer’s name_____Liz Perez_____________________ Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions. *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here. I thought that this essay was well-written and there was an immense amount f passion that ,as a reader, sparked my interest. 2.Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment? YES NO What do you see as that purpose? To tell a story about an a traguc accident. *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay? Anyone affected by an accident 4.To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? The audience would be to people that have been touched by a miracle in their lives. 5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth. a. The dialogue about the accident and aftermath there of being a miracle. b.The details about the author's religious affliation *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here. It’s just incredible what had just happened but it’s even more unbelievable that I’m alive today to write about it. Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus. *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay. Par. 1 YES NO Par. 5 YES NO Par. 2 YES NO Par. 6 YES NO Par. 3 YES NO Par. 7 YES NO Par. 4 YES NO Par. 8 YES NO *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: The author did cover this material. *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below. a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject: b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant? YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here: c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment: d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO List terms that need to be defined here: 10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)? Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why? *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile. a. What person or persons were interviewed? A recollection... no interviews b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information. c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.) d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly? 12. Does the introduction a. Get readers’ attention? YES NO b. Present the thesis? YES NO c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO d. Comments: 13. Does the conclusion a. Remind you of what has been said? YES NO b Provide something new to think about? YES NO c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES NO d. Comments: Written Peer Response

Essay writer’s name_____Alexis___________________ Peer’s name_____Liz Perez_____________________

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I thought that this essay was well-written and there was an immense amount f passion that ,as a reader, sparked my interest.

2.Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?

To tell a story about an a traguc accident.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

Anyone affected by an accident

4.To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

The audience would be to people that have been touched by a miracle in their lives.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. The dialogue about the accident and aftermath there of being a miracle.

b.The details about the author’s religious affliation

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.

It’s just incredible what had just happened but it’s even more unbelievable that I’m alive today to write about it.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES NO Par. 5 YES NO
Par. 2 YES NO Par. 6 YES NO
Par. 3 YES NO Par. 7 YES NO
Par. 4 YES NO Par. 8 YES NO

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:

The author did cover this material.

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?
A recollection… no interviews

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES NO
d. Comments:

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